Stop Your Divorce Now - Does the Usual Advice Work?
There are seven basic pieces of advice that is usually touted out on how to stop your divorce now whenever a marriage is breaking down. Because the advice is popular and widely articulated does not necessarily make it an effective route to follow:
Advice given to stop your divorce now is the following:
- Go to marriage counseling or therapy
- Go on a holiday with your spouse
- Sit down and talk to your spouse unemotionally
- Listen, especially when it comes to criticism
- Acknowledge your role in the problems
- Compromise and give in
- Fall in love again
On the surface, all these seem great ideas. The problem is they all are motherhood and apple-pie and don't work. In actual fact some of them could be disastrous. Imagine being on holiday with someone who does nothing but evoke anger in you because they were unfaithful - sheer punishment.
These pieces of advice for stopping a divorce sound very good but unfortunately they are not vindicated by research.
The first step however requires the marriage couple to explore what their actual 'bottom-line' is for themselves. While there are approaches that one partner can use to work on their marriage alone in an attempt to stop the divorce, it is best if both partners are willing to make an effort to save their marriage. Depending upon their intention and motivation they will either let their anger remain unbounded or attempt to be constructive in their efforts.
It is hard to find the motivation and energy to go through the necessary steps and actions if both partners have no intention of trying to heal and improve the marriage.
As a first venture you need to take steps to handle the anger that can flash at this stage of your attempts at stopping a divorce.
Most marriages land up needing to stop your divorce now, not because of the amount of conflict in the marriage, but because of the type and the destructive ways in which it is handled. So anger and conflict cannot be avoided at this stage, but it need not be destructive.
If your discussions start with 'harsh startups', are full of contemptuous statements, blaming and 'stone walling' you will be unsuccessful and might as well give up.
Further elements of your 'stop your divorce now repair program' is the following pillars of marriage development:
- Building Connections and Healing Rituals after Conflicts (yes it can be 'heated sex' as a way of reconnecting)
- Supporting and Building each others Dreams and Aspirations
- Understanding the difference between Perpetual and Solvable Problems as a part of effective problem solving in the marriage
- Preventing and Managing Emotional 'Flooding' (especially important for men)
- Enhancing the positive - negative sentiment balance
- Learning to turn towards and not away from each other (i.e. avoiding defensiveness and stonewalling)
- Building Fondness and Admiration by enhancing Love Maps.
These foundations are important components to any stop your divorce now repair program as research indicates they are far more successful than the traditional approaches taken in advice columns.
In trying to stop your divorce you need to develop a program that fundamentally address the root elements that make marriages successful. The usual advice does not work. To see the fundamental components that must be developed visit http://www.Making-Up-Guide-Reviews.com/making-your-marriage-work.html for the elements of an effective 7 step program.