The Big D
A friend of mine recently asked how to go about a divorce. The couple separated about 8 months ago, and they were about to start proceedings, but how? Well both me and my wife have dealt with divorce and know how it works - I decided to share the advice to allow others to benefit. Please note - this article covers divorce in the UK and other countries may differ.
Obviously a divorce and the details are personal to each couple, and therefore things differ from divorce to divorce. There are several ways to do it. If your separation was amicable, then you may want to wait for two years, because after two years divorce is automatically granted, although the costs are the same. If the separation was not amicable, then you may want to commence proceedings against your ex partner. If you begin the divorce proceedings, then you will have to decide the reason for your divorce - unreasonable behaviour and adultery are two of the most common reasons.
Next you will need to find a good divorce lawyer - there are plenty about - ask a divorced friend to recommend one, or look for one with a testimonial from a past client, a firm who were found to be tactful, sensitive and quick. Cost is around £500 in total (although some firms charge much much more). You may be able to get legal aid depending on your income - and that is down to you and the lawyer to decide. Most good lawyers will give you a one hour no obligation consult for free and will be able to give you (a) advice about what to do next (b) a rough idea of total cost for your divorce and (c) whether or not you can get legal aid.
The process of divorce (if your partner is compliant) - from initiation to decree absolute - takes around 5 months. Be prepared to visit your lawyer regularly to sign documents, and receive regular letters through the post. If your ex partner is compliant then things like finances and child support and visitation are sorted easily and amicably, as you will have already discussed this together and have listed what was agreed.
If the process is not amicable then it may take longer, and you may inherit debts that are not yours. If you don't want to inherit their debts, then you need all joint debts to be put solely into the name of the person that owns the debt legitimately. If you cannot sort this issue out between you then a lawyer will help with this and so will the Citizen Advice Bureau. The only thing that you don't have the right to change is parental rights, as your ex still has rights to be a child's next of kin. In order to sort visitation and support payments then you need to draw up an agreement between you both with a lawyer or talk to the Child Support Agency (although this can take up to 18 months to sort so former is best idea!)
The other way to sort things out with an uncooperative partner is via mediation. This is a process that involves you both sitting down with an impartial "referee". You have about 4 one hour sessions where you both sit in a room with someone and thrash it all out between you and work out whats fair all round - saves all of the heartache of arguments and bitterness!!!! Its kind of a refereed argument!!
In the end, it all works out for the best and you can both continue with your lives. You are entitled to change "next of kin" details on documents at children's schools and doctors etc, and you can change your name back to your maiden name (if you are a woman) if you wish, therefore eliminating all trace of your marriage. Please do bear in mind though, that if children are involved your ex still has rights to visitation and to spend an equal amount of time with their children as you do, although it very rarely works out that way.If you are the none resident parent, then you must ensure that all support payments are maintained in order to maintain access to your children - if you cannot make the payments then you must inform the authorities or your ex partner, with a good reason.
Whatever you choose to do and however the divorce progresses, just remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there is a future for you at the end of your divorce - a positive future.
With best wishes for a stress free divorce, and a happy life thereafter
Dale Preece-Kelly
More from this author at http://www.selfhope.co.uk