5 Steps to Living Together During and After a Divorce!
For couples that are continuing to live together during or after a divorce there are definite changes that will need to be made.
1.) Depending on how well the couple gets on separate living areas may need to be marked out. If children are involved this will be a little harder as they will probably want to be where mum and dad are and have no concept of his and hers areas. A little courtesy and consideration will stop the home being a war zone.
2.) Household duties like cleaning and meal making may stay the same depending on who is working or not. If one parent is at home looking after a baby or young child it should not be hard to work out shared responsibilities. It is not a bad idea to put up a schedule so everyone knows what each member of the family have to do to keep the household running smoothly.
3.) The thing that is often so responsible for breaking up a marriage in the first place is money or lack of it. With a couple living more independent lives the need for fairness makes sense here. Perhaps there could be a separate account for keeping the mortgage paid and other household expenses. After that if there is anything left over it could be split equally so a feeling of independence could be felt. For some couples this will be impossible but both parties should decide all finance. Who knows it could be a reversal in thinking.
4.) Children should be treated with the utmost respect, as their lives will be affected by these changes. If as a couple you are able to negotiate really well you will keep personal differences out of the mix so the kids feel safe and secure. You can explain to them what is happening but it may go over their heads for they see mum and dad still living together as if nothing has changed. What often happens is the kids seem happier as mum and dad seem to have resolved their problems. In some ways they have because they are living as room mates instead of a married couple who were experiencing difficulties. Now the pressure is off they may even get on better than before.
5.) It is necessary for the couple to set boundaries with each other. The problem may be they were non-existent in the marriage so the concept may seem mysterious. Because the couple are operating as individuals they need to know that each of them are not going to step over certain lines. By this I mean if the wife has said she wants a separate bedroom her husband should respect that. The same applies if her ex husband requires some alone time with the kids. She should find this perfectly acceptable also. If the marriage break up has been due to a controlling or abusive partner you can forget this whole concept working. This means that the ex marriage would not be capable of sustaining an agreeable living situation like this without some sort of therapy for both parties.. This is for a couple that has agreed to disagree and been able to put their marriage in the past and share a life for their own specific reasons.
When a couple knows they are headed for DIVORCE they may make a detour because of children and a POOR FINANCIAL SITUATION As a couple they may find it easier to pay their bills and keep their much loved kids in clothing and food. This is a huge sacrifice but these DIVORCING COUPLES believe it is worth it. I ( Linda E Cole) have written a book called Living Together In Divorce to help with all the changes that will need to be made. If you want a manual that covers every aspect of LIVING TOGETHER IN DIVORCE. CLICK HERE NOW